ceaseofsalvation's Journal

ceaseofsalvation's Journal

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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ceaseofsalvation's LiveJournal:

Friday, November 11th, 2005

3:00 am

Nightmares keep me awake, I promise
Me (CeaseofSalvation): i had a dream that I was hit by a big truck, like a logging truck and kyra found out about it and was really upset. she stayed in her room and wouldnt talk to anyone and then somehow saw me outside in her backyard sitting by her pool with my back to her.
CeaseOfSalvation: She went outside and moved next to me, she had been so crushed, her expression was beyond words in pain. It was like watching a movie rather then being in it. I was seeing things more from her side though
Amber: that's off. What do you think it means?
CeaseOfSalvation: i was bruised and bloodied, pale, nearly blue and i smiled at her and got into the pool, holding my arms out for her follow, she was crying and i looked unaffected by it
CeaseOfSalvation: she slid in, the blood was moving out of my cuts and swirling in the pool, but it didnt look like how blood and water would go
CeaseOfSalvation: the blood was like etching of dark red, the color of it but like tentacles lashing around me smothered in itself
CeaseOfSalvation: it was like it wasnt me and from something else i was lashing out only to see stone eyes look directly at me and push her under
CeaseOfSalvation: and after awhile all i could see was her hands floating in the blood water
CeaseOfSalvation: i was going to be sick and i felt like i couldnt breath and more hands came to the surface and i knew that it was marias.. i had that feeling like i had killed them both and in the corner of the backyard hidden barely in the shadow of the walls was david holding a red balloon tied to a string

I hate sleep....

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Wednesday, September 28th, 2005

4:05 am

kyle should be killed lots and lots
if i had a penis its name would be Sue, i wouldnt be very good in bed but id have piercings too, my name sure isnt kyle, if it was i would be dead, i'd cut myself every night before i go to bed. But my name isnt kyle because surely im not that cool, if my name was kyle id be a rock star wanna be dude and if that ever happened id give you all you need, to take that lil b-b gun and shoot me in the knee. But that isnt all, no theres much more to tell, if i had a shotgun, surely all'd be well. You could shoot me in the testies, i promise it would be nice, next id hang a targe just in front of my eyes

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Sunday, May 22nd, 2005

3:28 pm

Happy Birthday Jesse

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Wednesday, April 20th, 2005

5:42 am

pretty picture
you know what? you can see just one larger vein in my arm that runs from my wrist up my arm. it's greenish purple and it's what suplies alot of blood to my arm *grins * So who's up for russian roulette with a double barreled shotgun? I just think itd paint a pretty picture :P

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Tuesday, April 19th, 2005

7:24 am

stolen from vesper
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:

I committed suicide:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I lived next door to you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:

Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Mannerisms:

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you have long, sweet, sweet passionate love with me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

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Wednesday, April 13th, 2005

7:21 am

yea.. my names jesse and i am invisible.
somethings ive learned:

1. People don't date around here, they just want to fuck
2. If you tell someone who tells you that they like you that you like, they'll tell you that they just want to be friends.
3. band practice for 7 hours straight hurts.
4. The People that you once loved once it fades they stop talking to you.
5. insomnia fucking SUCKS
6. You don't have to do drugs to chew on yer lip til it bleeds.
7. Having alot of friends isnt really a good thing most the time.
8. EVERYONE lies.
9. Everyone hurts the ones they love.
10. I don't drink, take meds, do any sort of drugs, or take place in any sort of sexual deeds.
11. But the poison that makes things go away is rather appealing right now.
12. My name is Jesse and im addicted to hurting myself in more then one form.
13. I am the deadbeat and my body size deminishes according to everyone's belief, but to me im just simply here.
14. I find myself still getting jelous over past relationships
15. My hands are always cold.
16. I want to feel more........

so whats the cure for any of these? got a treat? share with the class. Self improving, or attempting to do so. It's a weary job that needs to be done.

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7:21 am

b;a?

All these are stolen from chelsea

i miss u too rando?

god damn chels.. u are one horny mother fucking lass

no luvins from chels, only from rando :(

:O thanx chels

no chels hates me and doesnt ever want to talk to me :(

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Sunday, February 13th, 2005

3:42 pm

Stolen from Haley

CURRENT
Current mood :: stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey
Current music :: Mandalay - don't invent me
Current taste :: peanut butter
Current hair :: long bangs 6-7 inches long, about 2 inches everywhere else. Fuscia bangs, curly and messy lol
Current clothes :: hoody and jeans
Current annoyance :: steph
Current smell :: i duno?
Current thing I ought to be doing :: getting out of the house
Current desktop picture:: purple flower haha
Current favorite band :: i have alot
Current book :: book of the dead.. no .. really
Current cd in stereo :: bloodhound gang
Current crush :: *grins* muh girly friend
Current favorite celeb :: pfft fuck that
Current hate :: dumb ppl

DO
I Smoke? :: ew no?
Have a dream that keeps coming back? :: mhm i died again
Read the newspaper? :: no
Have any gay or lesbian friends? :: lol i am one? and i have many gay, staight, bi, pan, a, and lesbian friends
Believe in miracles? :: no
Consider yourself tolerant of others? :: usually
Consider love a mistake? :: never
Like the taste of alcohol? :: nope
Have a favorite candy? :: hot tamales
Believe in astrology? :: honestly yea
Believe in magic? :: sorta
Have any pets? :: baby
Go to or plan to go to college? :: in
Have any piercings? :: yep, septum, lip, ears, yea
Have an obsession? :: no sorry
Have a secret crush?:: not really?
Do they know yet? :: lol yea???
Care about looks? :: only to an extent

LOVE LIFE
Ever been in love? :: i duno
Do you believe in love at first sight? :: no
Do you believe in "the one?" :: no

JUICY STUFF
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing? :: .. hm yea
Have you ever been intoxicated?:: yea
Height :: 5' 5"

LAST THING YOU...
bought :: cd
Ate :: french toast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drank :: chocolate milk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Read :: still readin book o da dead
Watched on tv :: dont remember.. milk chan?

EITHER/OR
club or houseparty :: both
cats or dogs :: bith
single or taken :: taken
pen or pencil :: Pen
gloves or mittens :: Gloves
food or candy :: food
cassette or cd :: both
coke or pepsi :: Coke
this or that :: that

WHO DO YOU WANT TO
kill :: vorizon wireless guy "u hear me now?" *KILLS!!!!!!!* HSDFGJDFJGDHFGJFGJKDFHGDKFJ
look like :: no one
avoid :: i duno

LAST PERSON YOU
talked to :: Jennifer
hugged :: crystal
instant messaged :: kurtis

WHERE DO YOU
eat :: home.. out?
cry :: last night.. damn dreams
wish you were :: batman

HAVE YOU EVER
Dated one of your best friends? :: yea
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? :: yes
Broken the law? :: yes
Run away from home? :: mhm
Broken a bone? :: nope
Played Truth Or Dare? :: yup
Kissed someone you didn't know? :: uh ya
gottenn in a fight? :: yes
Come close to dying? :: yes

WHAT IS
The most embarrassing CD in your collection? :: i dont have any

Your bedroom like? :: a mess
Your favorite thing for breakfast? :: french toast!!!!!
Your favorite restaurant? :: none
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night? :: ew no
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie? :: the crow
What is your biggest fear? :: drowning
What feature are you most insecure about? :: growing older

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Thursday, February 10th, 2005

2:54 am

im sorry everyone i lied, the thing is www.xanga.com/neverknownas

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2:50 am

I eat little children for breakfast..
i was some god damned french toast
oh btw i suck at life aka livejournal
so if anyone gives a damn about
keeping up with my life
i got an xanga insteadddddddddddd
my xanga is never_known
www.xanga.com/Never_Known yeah i think thats is
LOOK AT IT FRIGGIN A YO

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Saturday, January 8th, 2005

6:02 pm

blah
Its funny now my own mother doesnt notice that i have scratches all over my torso. It's also funny how everyone thinks i did it on purpose. That depresses me. Im going to the attic tonight, im going to hate it but that ok. I dont really feel like going anywhere.. my stomache hurts.. like alot. Its not so much the scratches, its also that its sore from working out. I stopped doing sit ups for a few days and when I started again and i guess I pushed myself a bit too far, I feel cripled or something. Oh well, in shape i guess. I have to go to the attic tho.. it's Jodee's birthday.. I can't miss that.. god I feel like shit.. Maria's treating me like a child. Mom's acting like Im never home or something. Dad.. i duno where he is or whats going on over there, yea thanks dad for the LACK of any christmas cards or even a phone call god i got a christmas card from my grandparents who hate me but nothing from my oh so loving father, guess thats how it works. Katy and Stacy are picking me up and dropping me off at the Attic and picking me up, im spending the night over there. Least that means I can sleep.. hopefully I wont keep anyone up.. i guess im not a very sound sleeper anymore according to jodee.. im going, im cold

Current Music: Sarah Brightman - The Phantom of the Opera

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Tuesday, January 4th, 2005

11:58 pm

how pathetic
I guess i should be greatful. I know so many people... so many friends.. but after I left stivers, the school I was convinced was the problem I realized it was me. My grades are still complete shit and I am just a typical teenager. How i HATE that, the typical high schooler. When Im older Im just goona be some stupid prune, Im just goona be another adult with a steady BORING job. Im goona hve faded tattoos and im goona regret getting them. Im going to take out all the peircings and pretend i never had them and be ashamed of how i was. It's kinda sad. Id rather really die liking the way i am now then regretting. Im goona grow old and im goona forget more crap then i already do. Im tired of this not drinking shit. It's not like it matters. It's not like i was a heavy alcoholic or some shit, i knew my limit. I kinda feel bad tho that i feel that way. its been like 1/2 a year since ive been even buzzed and somehow i feel its not long enough. But right now i want to have fun, have a good time. Be random. For once i actaully want to forget about things. Mostly my problems and its sad that I dont give a fuck if its unhealthy to do that. But yea, being on the computer so damned much isnt any healthier is it? Or playing video games just so i dont have to live my own life. I realized that I just dont think about my life at all when i am playing rpg games, its more like im living in the game. Pathetic ay?

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Thursday, December 23rd, 2004

7:51 pm

Your Buffy/Angel Fate by endsoftheworld
Your username
You are a ...	Witch
Your power/weapon is ...	Computer hacking (void if demon/vamp/slayer/etc)
You will date/marry/love ...	Oz OR Cordelia
Your final fate will be ...	Forever love with your sweetheart

Quiz created with MemeGen!

uh.. ok..?

Which Davey Havok Are You? by allthngseyelinr
Name
Hair	Short with long bangs
Makeup	None
Clothing	white shirt and suspenders
Album	Black Sails

Quiz created with MemeGen!

Party :D

God and Goddess - Powers by Drusilla
Username
Your powers are or have to do with...	Birth, death and rebirth. Grim reaper-like, I suppose.
For good or for bad?	For good, you will use your powers only for good of others, that deserve it anyhow.
Lucky number. O.o	10

Quiz created with MemeGen!

uh cool??

What kind of monster are you? by EvilFrank
Username
Monster	Cannibal Hunchback
Created By	The Nightmares of a Child
Dwelling	The Cellar
Total Victims	65
Killed By	Shotgun Blast to the Chest

Quiz created with MemeGen!

that is an AWSOME way to die!

What will be your demise? by morsaxuris
Username:
Age:
How many people care?	38
Well..?	Smoking weed out of a shotgun cause you broke your bong.. but you forgot take the last bullet out.

Quiz created with MemeGen!

thats funny but its too bad i dont smoke

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Tuesday, December 21st, 2004

12:41 am

Curious minds
winter midnight. Cold, a frost kisses the windows as they're opened and a freezing breath wisks through the screen to ice the room now an open door to it's touch. So the creature sat, a human body and an alien mind, gazing out the open window with a newborn's eyes. So there HE sat, a hand gun in the palm of HER hand. HE sat nearly motionless til HER breath departed from HIS lips. So SHE watched the world grow a few hours older, the gun growling colder in HIS hand. Finally HER eyes fall slowly down to the idle instrument in HIS palm. SHE did not hurt, HE was not depressed, SHE was lost, but how HE understood so much. SHE took up the gun, glancing over its exterior then placed a single barren bullet inside and spun the the container as it was loaded. Curious minds can be a dangerous kind. HE placed the mouth of the barrel on HER bottom lip feeling the cold metal on HIS skin. SHE put her finger on the trigger lightly and closed HIS eyes. SHE trembled at HIS own sigh for SHE did not want to die. But HE pulled the trigger despite HER thoughts and fear. Opened HIS eyes and she still was here. Another night lived after the gun. Not suicide, only a long curious mind. Curious minds can be a dangerous kind.

By Jesse (me?)

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Monday, December 20th, 2004

1:26 am

you dont know me, you never will
Feeling like shit.. but i guess it was a good day.

Corey IMed me asking if I wanted to go to a play with him. I said sure right after my bass lessons. Learned some stevie wonder rides, good stuff. So him and his mum came and picked me up from my house and took me to the theatre. It was the Christmas carol and not really accurate and they cut my favorite scene out with the two children of mankind: want and ignorance. That was sad but the play was pretty good, great seats me and corey had. Talked to this older german lady about retainers and peircings.. dont ask. So then it was over and core's mum picked us up and dropped us off at magic castle i believe and corey made me play dance dance revolutions with him. I guess i did ok for my first time. i failed the first time and the rest was ok. Then in some song on light i passed. So yea, 2 and something hours of that. It was fun though. We walked around.. some guy like followed us and wouldnt leave me alone and asked if he could have a kiss. Mother fucking son of a bitch..
So yeah moving on.. Wen back to corey's, chilled out there. then his little sister chased me around with this string spray and i ran into a tree branch and cut my upper lip and around my eye.. so if i look like shit tomarro thats why.

Then me, core and his cousin or something, josh got dropped off at randi's. she didnt look happy to see me. Oh well thats life i guess.. acting polite when needed, good times is always there. Who's to tell that im wishing that while being driven home thered be a gang fight or something and a single rogue bullet whould hit my dead in the chest. Not that any of you moronic mother fuckers give a flying blethering shit. So fuck you! Take that razor blade years ago you'd hug tight to yer pussy whipped wrist and chew on it. Everyone thinks that I didnt want to leave stivers, i left stivers to GET AWAY from the shit you all were putting me in. Hipicrit bitches KNOW how it feels you just cant look through the looking glass. I'm seconds from just dropping it with those few dramatic mother fuckers that always seem to just draw me down. But that doesnt matter anymore. there was a time i gave a shit. How's that for size, i cared! and they all lied to me, every last bit of them, the ones that call u their best fucking friend then just leave me. But not that time.. I left them this time. I left them. I still have quite a bit of leaving to do, in that case i wish i didnt.. but thats life.

.. anyone who tells me to not commit suicide thinking im THAT FUCKING GREEDY will have their intestines pulled from their ass and drowned in their own vomit. If i wanted to DIE i'd be DEAD anyone who really wanted to die would be dead.

You dont know me.. you never will

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1:18 am

Katy IMed me online and asked if i wanted to hang out. Said sure so her and her gf stacy came over and took me to their apartment. It was intresting.. i love.. theyre squeeky couch thing. So after awhile just hanging out we drove to a house, didnt know who's out by rando's house actually and we picked up a fellow named Doug then out somewhere else to pick up a fello named josh i think. Right now im on my 3rd day of no sleep and I can't focus all that well. But will talk about tonight in the next entry or something.

So we all went to a book store and just looked around. fun stuff then went to a fast food place and waited for their friend to get off work to say hello but they took so long so we drove to *thinks* the store i think.. then to the starbucks.. dropped everyone off and then got dropped off. It was cool to hang out with them. Nice group of people. Very amusing. I was on a starbucks high out of hell on the way home.. yea so anyways, party.. ut was better by far then what it sounds.. im just in a fucked up mood

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Sunday, December 19th, 2004

3:07 am

im at home.. aaaaaaaaand i must tell u about the past two days, WILD fun lol.

Friday at about 1. bored off my ass in school during lunch.. me my friends josh miranda and jenny plus 2 other ppl i didnt really know left school early cause josh can drive and all that good ol fun. Miranda and Jenny and Josh say in the front and i sat in the back in between the two guys i didnt know. They were all smoking pot and what not, but i dont smoke so i was just there. But those ppl are wild lol. So they turn on some music.. AFRO MAN - then i got high.. and one of the guys next to me went "come on you gotta sing this with us!" so the whole car's singing it, im the only untoxicated kido and i thought it was all funny as hell. But then we all went up to Stivers (my old school) saw a bunch of people and introduced a few to jenny and mirando.. got tackled (literally) by amber. I yelled amber's name and she turned around looked over saw it was me screamed my name and ran after me, after like a split second my smile faded and i ran cause i knew she was goona kill me or something so i ran around and then deanna caught me and amber tackled me down a hill with a hug (good to see im luved)

Then we all left, the two guys got dropped off at school and i was dropped off at my house. got onlne checked my mail, talked to jacob to see if he was comming over and he said yep so i got ready and he was at the door, we hung out for a bit then left to go catch the bus. I saw someone i knew from school, Tabatha walking into the corner store as we walked by. Me and jacob waited like 45 mins, i guesss we missed the bus but thats ok, we werent late at all. We got on the bus and then got off the bus at mc donalds, went inside ate something (despite my hate for fast foods). and my friend amina walked in, she saw me from the window and thought i was staring at her but i was spacing out lol. so we talked a bit. then she left as did we. Walked over to the thrift store and realized we came like an hour and a half early so we just hung out. Looking through the thrift store. Then went to the store next to that place lounged about lol. Then went over and waited in front of the attic ( a club) for it to open. We waited, a bunch of my friends arrived and waited too: Brad, Josh, Isaac, cindy and Jodee , paul, etc. And we were all just acting funny. It had been so long since ive seen many of them.

So then they oppened up. Bunch of kids stared at us from inside the windows before we came in. First thing I hear as I walk in the door was "Jesse!" and my friend alaina was working the front counter (i knew she was working but she didnt see me throught the tinted windows) so when i got to the front i hugged her and just hung out with jacob for awhile. Amber came, so did Maria her best friend and a gay guy i didnt know. Amanda K came and amina (theyre dating) came back too. Corey was there, the band pancake, the rythum guitarists gf that i know came, brad's gf that i know came. uuh some guy i dont really know but we mosh alot came.. lux came, deonna and her friend came.. it was all my old friends (how i missed them all). We all danced (booty dance, haha yeah i can booty dance, isnt it scarey?!) but yea, it was funny.. oh and this guy i know from school that i have like 3 classes with. one of his friends i guess liked me and gave me her number.. no idea who she is.. so im not calling her cause its bull that someone likes someone without even talking to the person in my opinion. But yea.. amanda (i guess she likes me or some shit) started dancing on me and ..it was .. im not used to that, and yeah kissed my neck (very odd) so around then is when i stopped and the song stopped, maria (such a sweetheart) slow danced with me. Its actually the first time ive slow danced with someone outside of dance class. But it was cute, she really is such a nice lass. She says me and her bf Jer are pretty much twins personality wise. So yes, running around alot, rough housing, doing our moves on the padding for wrestling and whatnot. Just being hyper.. and OMG corey.. was so.. sooooooooo hyper.. i have NEVER seen him that way before, he kept hitting me in the ass with his sweatshirt it was so funny. he had like 5 energy drinks and an energy pill.. that kid is nutz.. lmao wow yea haha. so pankake came on. Moshed the best I could, but being that im the smallest of THEM ALL i was pretty much demolished. had the worst headache in the world by then. but i kept on, brad's gf was next to me and from that point on i kept tapping her on the shoulder randomly and she'd look behind her to see who it was and then look at me i'd smile, by the 3rd time i did this i started smirking and holding up the amount of fingers i tricked her, i only got 5, but she got my number to hang out some time, she's cool. Uhhhh then oh, maria and her friends had to go. They're ride had one of my friends with them, stephanie, i knew her since 7th grade creative writting class i was suprised to see her :P shes awsome. So yeah they left. Then *thinks* uhh.. more moshing.. pain, i couldnt breath a bit lol but thats ok, guess thats the punishment of being the shrimp of ehm all. Loads of head banging and what not, just like old times. I got Jacob to start talking to alaina. He thought she hated him and she thought he hated her but i got her number for him and they kissed a bit . little afraid she'll hurt him tho.. but yea.. im goona have a nice long talk to her about that. Hm so Amber and Matt gave me and jacob a ride home. Matt drove (like a blethering maniac!) and amber sat in the back seat with me as jacob sat shotgun. Amber was cold and i let her lay her head on my lap. and kept her arms warm. She nearly fell asleep. Then i was dropped off said my good byes want up to my room and like passed out on my bed.. woo what a night, im sore, and i didnt get home til like 2 am.

During about mid time before my friends band Pankake was comming on, Jodee left.. its the last time we'll see her.. shes moving to cali.. god im goona miss her, shes seriously a TRUE friend and i hope she knows that she can call me any time she wants even for no apparent reason. Amber was really upset, tried to help her through it best I could... Jodee I love ya hun, u know that, you can always contact me, whenever you need to, I'm always here. You will be missed by all

Will write about Saturday night another time, im TIRED as hell.. goooooooooooooood night!

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1:54 am

ok im not going to look at my "friends" journals on here any more, somehow they just make me depressed so heres to you *raises middle fingers in the air* fuck you

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12:56 am

x: name: Jess
:x: height: 5'6
:x: shoe size: 9 1/2 in men.. yea.. hush
:x: hair color: blond
:x: siblings: ashley, james, jr, maria, christina

:x: eyes: change colors
:x: college: no
:x: jr.high: Stiver School for the arts
:x: elementary: Jefferson, meadowdale, van cleve
:x: hometown: fairfield, california

:x: favorite place: i duno depends on the mood
:x: favorite soda: mt dew, Jones cream soda
:x: game system: computer
:x: favorite food: french toast
:x: favorite book: (rando I liked yer choice) The lowest animal made me think, i really liked koontz's Voice of the Night tho
:x: favorite pen: not a fountain pen of any sort.. I HATE those
:x: favorite car: 1965 Ford cobra mustang jet with blue paint and blue tripes, leather blue seats and chain link wheel >.> no.. i havent thought about that.. i like mini coopers too :D and hursts are nice
:x: favorite animal: felines, reptiles
:x: waterbrand: hooshiet
:x: favorite burger place: nope
:x: favorite hobby: buddies, music, being stupif
:x: favorite friends: i shall never say
:x: bar or club: Elbos
:: favorite show: duno
:x: gold or silver: silver
:x: favorite dog: duno
:x: cell phone co.: yer funny
:x: favorite shirt: i like my stiped button up long sleeved shirts
:x: favorite sport: i like uhm.. soccer.. uh.. yea.. shut up
:x: favorite alcohol: Vodka.. but i dont drink anymore
:x: favorite computer: abuh?
:x: favorite fruit: mostl all
:x: favorite song: duno
:x: ketchup or salsa: ew no
:x: favorite milkshake: vanilla
:x: steak or lobster: both
:x: favorite color: green
:x: favorite weather: cloudy windy and in between
:x: favorite state: Penn.

you?
:x: have a crush on someone: i shall never tell
:x: wish you could live somewhere else: i like dayton.. but i like scotland too.
:x: think about suicide: mhm
:x: believe in online dating: why wouldnt i believe in it? its there?
:x: think others find you attractive: when the person tells u that u tend to believe thats what they think and same with ppl calling u ugly
:x: want more piercings: course
:x: like cleaning: not in particular but i like organizing believe it or not
:x: like roller coasters: sometimes, depends on who im with but while going up at the tallest part i'll look at the person cuss them out tell them i hate them and yell "why the hell did u make me do this?!"
:x: write in cursive or print: mix
:x: last talked to: katy and her lass
:x: last thought of: i have mermaid nails!
:x: last showered: like not too long ago
:x: last cut your nails: uh monday
:x: last did laundry: this morning
:x: last hugged a tree: *thinks* uhm.. i talked about humping a tree like.. earlier.. but i dont think ive.. ever.. actually hugged.. a tree..
:x: last watched anime: this morning lol Ghost in the Shell 1

for or against?
:x: long distant relationships: For
:x: killing people: depends i suppose
:x: teenage smoking: i duno?
:x: driving drunk: thats ignorant, against
:x: gay/lesbian relationships: fuck yes FOR
:x: soap operas: uhg what ever floats yer boat i dont care

have you?
:x: ever cried over a girl: yep.
:x: ever cried over a boy: yep
:x: ever been in a fist fight: yep
:x: ever been arrested: uh.. >.>
:x: ever had a friend die: ..
:x: ever used a gun: ...
:x: ever frenched kiss: yea
:x: ever finished a puzzle: yea
:x: ever got surgery: no
:x: ever got beat up: yea..
:x: ever hated someone: yea.
:x: ever made a huge mistake: yes but i dont regret anything cause i know it always could turn out worse then it is
:x: ever jogged a mile: and then some x.x
:x: ever played w/ someones feelings: not that i know?
:x: ever had feelings for someone younger than you: yea?

what?
:x: shoes do you wear: Chucks..
:x: are you scared of: Ruining something that can never be replaced.
:x: do you sleep in: clothes.
:x: did you eat for lunch: no

number?
:x: of times I have had my heart broken?: uh i duno?
:x: of hearts I have broken?: i duno?
:x: of guys/girls you've rejected?: i duno?
:x: of accidents you been in: fuck..
:x: of people you lead on?: i duno?
:x: of people you broke up with?: a few

do you think you are?
:x: pretty: no opinion
:x: funny: no opinion
:x: friendly: i guess but with some people.. i just scare
:x: ugly: no opinion
:x: caring: I try?
:x: dorky: no opinion
:x: cocky: no opinion
:x: girly: yea
:x: boyish: yea
:x: smart: no opinion
:x: pimp: i pimp.. pepermint
:x: angel: hardly
:x: gangster: oh.. damn u caught me. what can i say *shrugs* im a ganster.
:x: god: a god in the ground sometimes

favorite?
:x: five letter word: A-N-A-L....L? yep.. anall.. o.O
:x: comedian: i cant remember !
:x: candy: no
:x: cartoon: uh i duno
:x: chewing gum: anything other then juicy fruit.. after like an hour it turns o goop
:x: day of week: wensday
:x: least fave day: I hate tuesdays ..sorry
:x: jello flavor: jello.. like the kind that me and rina like threw at the wall in the china buffet? yeaaa they didnt stick too well did they.. nope
:x: summer/winter: NO!
:x: trampolines or swimming pools: both at the same time!

person who last?
:x: slept in your bed: *thinks*.. amanda?
:x: saw you cry: god.. i dont even remember, kristen F. i believe like during the summer
:x: made you cry: parents.. ppl
:x: you went to the movies with: uhm.. *thinks * corey and rando
:x: yelled at you: mum
:x: sent you an email: i dunoo

have you ever?
:x: said "i love you" and meant it?: yea
:x: gone out in public in your pajamas: yep.. i remember it was Monkey's birthday and i was wearing who sky blue silky monkey pajama pants and i think an ozzfest shirt because we had a water fight and my dumbass got the hose
:x: kept a secret from everyone?: we all have secrets that sometimes we even keep from ourselves
:x: cried during a movie?: i cried while watching saw, but only cause i was laughing so hard.. im sorry.. im morbid.. spin and just move on
:x: planned your week based on the TV Guide?: fuck no i hardly even watch tv
:x: been on stage?: yep
a:x: been to New York?: yea
:x: been to California?: born
:x: been to Florida?: yea
:x: Hawaii?: no
:x: China?: no
:x: Canada?: yea
:x: Europe?: yea
:x: what time is it now?: 1:20 am

:x: apples or bananas?: apples
:x: blue or red?: red
:x: walmart or target?: niether!
:x: spring or fall?: fall.
:x: what are you gonna do after you finish this?: chat
:x: what was the last meal you ate?: nastey lime mint tic tacs english chocolate and hot chocolate
:x: are you bored?: nope
:x: last noise you heard?: that im really remembering was kty laughing while i was being stupid in ze car
:x: last smell you sniffed?: chocolate milk :D (hey katyyyyy that stoof was guuuuuute, dont you agree?)
:x: last time you went out of state/province?: uh.. like.. last.. week?

friendship/love?
:x: do you believe in love at first sight?: nope
:x: do you want children one day & if so, how many?: loads..
:x: most important thing to you in a friendship is?: honesty, understanding, loyalty

random stuff?
:x: criminal record?: i'll never telllll
:x: do you speak any other languages?: I took french in 9th grade, self improved german and little spanish
:x: name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: ALL my CDs, makeup and needles, all musical items
:x: piercings and where?: septum, lip on side, ears both lobes
:x: worst feeling in the world: Knowlege of Ignorance
:x: whom you love: my pals, my family

your?
:x: nickname(s): Jess, Jessicus, jessica, jesse, never, neverknown, neverknownas
:x: initials: JMAP
:x: how old do you look?: ppl tell me i look like im 19+ usually
:x: how old do you act?: im not sure, that will be left to others to answer (i know no one will reply to this but and answers?)
:x: glasses/contacts?: nope heh
:x: do you have any pets?: dog and a hamster and many slaves
:x: you get embarrassed?: every now and then, averagely i suppose

(Comment on this)

Monday, November 15th, 2004

9:34 pm

WoOt, hahahahaha jodee's sister is a twat:

Me and Jodee's sister-

sparklemepretty9: hi
CeaseOfSalvation: hello
sparklemepretty9: who is this
CeaseOfSalvation: my names jess.. who are you?
sparklemepretty9: krystyina
CeaseOfSalvation: am i on yer list?
sparklemepretty9: not really i suppose
CeaseOfSalvation: how'd ya get this sn? just curious
sparklemepretty9: my friend gave it to me a few days ago
CeaseOfSalvation: oh ok, lol
sparklemepretty9: why are you so curious
CeaseOfSalvation: born that way
sparklemepretty9: not a good trait
CeaseOfSalvation: yes so ive learned
sparklemepretty9: at least someone got that across
CeaseOfSalvation: not really its something i dont like about myself
sparklemepretty9: good, because i don't like it either
CeaseOfSalvation: thats nice
CeaseOfSalvation: so who are you?
sparklemepretty9: curious again
sparklemepretty9: i'm a girl
CeaseOfSalvation: a girl ay? well that wasnt obvious * sarcasm* and yer friend?
sparklemepretty9: another girl
CeaseOfSalvation: you perhaps know a lass named Jodee?
sparklemepretty9: i might, why does that matter
CeaseOfSalvation: cause i can bet you all the money in the US that u do
CeaseOfSalvation: well you IMed me not the other way around i know its terrible but it still stands
sparklemepretty9: how is she relavent
CeaseOfSalvation: well being that I am talking to her it's rather obvious
sparklemepretty9: why do you talk to her
CeaseOfSalvation: because im friends with her? thats normally what happens when two people converse when each other
CeaseOfSalvation: with each other*
sparklemepretty9: i bet shes the sluttiest friend you've got
sparklemepretty9: and wow, you must have some cool friends if they consist of anything with jodee
CeaseOfSalvation: the sluttiest friend i have snorts cocaine and sleeps with men in their 40's and has 3 children at the age 17
CeaseOfSalvation: and that "friend" isnt too smart
sparklemepretty9: wow. what a life she has cut out for herself
CeaseOfSalvation: indeed, more so its pathetic that she's so devoured in what she has built for herself, she of course blames other people in an attempt to push of the guilt for her children and family
sparklemepretty9: thats just not too good
CeaseOfSalvation: ignorance is bliss
sparklemepretty9: id have to agree
sparklemepretty9: so why are we talkin about a crack whore
CeaseOfSalvation: because it's an intresting story
sparklemepretty9: not really
sparklemepretty9: i could care less about some whore who wont take care of her children let alone herself
CeaseOfSalvation: maybe not to you, but i take an intrest in others, cant help that.
CeaseOfSalvation: these stories make up lives and in that lies intrest for me
sparklemepretty9: that's just great for you
sparklemepretty9: im happy for you
CeaseOfSalvation: sarcasm kills haha
sparklemepretty9: why aren't you dead.
CeaseOfSalvation: everyones dead
CeaseOfSalvation: welcome to the world of the living
CeaseOfSalvation: its not much but its better then hell
CeaseOfSalvation: why are you still talking to me?
sparklemepretty9: because im still trying to find a reason why my sister finds you a friend
CeaseOfSalvation: why would it matter? that would be her buisness, yes? im not trying to be rude, but when comfronted in that manner, one doesnt really mind acting as shown
sparklemepretty9: listen. i look out for my sister and id rather her not talking to people who arent worth her time.
sparklemepretty9: i was simply seeing if you were of standard
CeaseOfSalvation: thats understandable. but its hard to see someone for who they are if you act as if this person is low to you.
CeaseOfSalvation: you cant treat someone with absolutely no respect and expect the best from them
sparklemepretty9: i dont really care
CeaseOfSalvation: and niether do i so why bother even looking into it?
sparklemepretty9: i brought forward my intentions.
sparklemepretty9: and you seem to think i was simply disrespecting you
CeaseOfSalvation: you were being rude
sparklemepretty9: define rude
CeaseOfSalvation: and i take that as disrespect
CeaseOfSalvation: i dont need to define my convictions because you dont care, remember?
sparklemepretty9: id like to know what you think im being convited for, in my thoughts i wasnt being rude at all.
sparklemepretty9: id like to know your opinions on that
CeaseOfSalvation: well if you see no wrong then let there be no wrong, atleast apon you. I dont see any reason to speak of why i felt you were being rude, I can't change your opinions, so why bother?
sparklemepretty9: you cant convict someone of wrong doing when they have no clue in anyway i approached you in a rude way
CeaseOfSalvation: that's s personal problem
sparklemepretty9: so you think its correct to convict someone on a issue not clear to them?
CeaseOfSalvation: killing someone may not seem wrong to the killer but to most everyone else, its wrong, wouldnt you say?
sparklemepretty9: i agree
CeaseOfSalvation: I find no point in speaking of it any more, just know that if i feel that you are being at all disrespectful then i will not hesitate to treat you the same
sparklemepretty9: god damn your a bitch
CeaseOfSalvation: not heard often but thank you
sparklemepretty9: hopefully you hear it more often
CeaseOfSalvation: eye for an eye lass
sparklemepretty9: o wow, damn that was harsh.
sparklemepretty9: so who else do you consider a friend that i might somehow know
CeaseOfSalvation: why do you ask?
sparklemepretty9: because i want to see if i know any of them
CeaseOfSalvation: I know alot of people, too many to list
sparklemepretty9: do you know her little dike friends
CeaseOfSalvation: define "dike"
sparklemepretty9: uh her somewhat of an ex
sparklemepretty9: Poul i think
CeaseOfSalvation: Paul?
sparklemepretty9: i suppose
CeaseOfSalvation: yes i know him
sparklemepretty9: what about his girlfriend. jack?
CeaseOfSalvation: jac, aye, it's her initials being there's so many by the name of jessica. I know her too
sparklemepretty9: uhmmh
CeaseOfSalvation: anyone else?
sparklemepretty9: fat girl dressed up like a umpa lompa, i saw a picture of her
CeaseOfSalvation: lol sara aye, one of the most carefree person i know
sparklemepretty9: and that one guy that came over to my house on Wednesday to watch a movie with my sister
CeaseOfSalvation: Jon.. yes, i dont fancy him much
sparklemepretty9: did i ask for you opinion on people i simply asked if you knew them
CeaseOfSalvation: you didnt ask me not to state my opinion about them
CeaseOfSalvation: did you now?
CeaseOfSalvation: didnt think so ty
sparklemepretty9: uhmm okay
sparklemepretty9: so you do hang out with jodalyn's dike ass friends
CeaseOfSalvation: how old are you?
sparklemepretty9: im definately 20
CeaseOfSalvation: really??
CeaseOfSalvation: thats suprising
sparklemepretty9: didnt ask for you opinion on that either
CeaseOfSalvation: didnt tell me not to state it
sparklemepretty9: i shouldnt have to
sparklemepretty9: its called common courtesey
CeaseOfSalvation: common courtesey doesnt seem to apply to you
CeaseOfSalvation: so why would i have it in your case?
sparklemepretty9: how doesnt it apply to me
sparklemepretty9: the fact that i stated that you didnt have to pronounce your opinion in my presense...
CeaseOfSalvation: just a common saying for this case. Treat someone how you want to be treated
sparklemepretty9: woo golden rule there
CeaseOfSalvation: so where do you apply it into your life?
sparklemepretty9: with people worth it
CeaseOfSalvation: Ah i see, your judging now. Or maybe you think your better then some people?
sparklemepretty9: i know i am
sparklemepretty9: im not afraid to admit it
CeaseOfSalvation: i pray ignorance is but a phase for you
sparklemepretty9: dont pray about me you fucking whore
CeaseOfSalvation: would take one to identify one
sparklemepretty9: nothing i cant stand more than people praying about me to some unknown man
CeaseOfSalvation: as i said, ignorance is bluss
sparklemepretty9: bluss?
CeaseOfSalvation: i dont pray to a man
CeaseOfSalvation: bliss*
sparklemepretty9: dont every fucking pray about me again you fucking dike. i hate when people repress apon me and interrogate with my life by their stupid beliefs.
CeaseOfSalvation: lol!!
CeaseOfSalvation: life.. you should try it some time
sparklemepretty9: and pray that ill be saved or that this is just a fuckin phase, dont ever do that again
CeaseOfSalvation: instead of wasting your "precious" time on some teenager who seems to have more sense for people then you would open your eyes to
CeaseOfSalvation: just walk away
sparklemepretty9: id rather amuse myself
sparklemepretty9: dont you realize jodee doesnt deserve you
CeaseOfSalvation: dont you realize that you have no say
CeaseOfSalvation: your a human being, you ARE the lowest animal
CeaseOfSalvation: we all are
CeaseOfSalvation: no better then the rest
CeaseOfSalvation: so take that into consideration
CeaseOfSalvation: spend all your money and become a robot
CeaseOfSalvation: its a better life to be lived
sparklemepretty9: i can tell you, i am better than you, and so is jodee.
CeaseOfSalvation: your amusing lol
sparklemepretty9: thats good
CeaseOfSalvation: yeah "good" go to work lol
sparklemepretty9: so you are a dike
CeaseOfSalvation: i am what i am, and that ma'am has no say for you, for you can not define me or anyone else
CeaseOfSalvation: thus ignorance is virtue only for those dumb enough to consider it
sparklemepretty9: i suppose
sparklemepretty9: dont waste your time with my sister she will do nothing but always be better than you
sparklemepretty9: and dont EVER hit on her EVER
CeaseOfSalvation: lol just go to work Krystyina
sparklemepretty9: im workin it
sparklemepretty9: do you hear me?
sparklemepretty9: EVER fuckin hit on her
CeaseOfSalvation: yes being that I'm like a half an hour drive from you
CeaseOfSalvation: i dont even like her.. assumptions will cause you trouble
sparklemepretty9: i dont care.
sparklemepretty9: im telling you, your a dike and if you hit on her i swear to god ill fuck you up
CeaseOfSalvation: then walk away
CeaseOfSalvation: you'll fuck me up?
sparklemepretty9: yeah
CeaseOfSalvation: you might be like 3 years older then me but i can tell you that youd have a damned hell of a time trying to accomplish that
CeaseOfSalvation: arragance isnt a friend
sparklemepretty9: neither should you be
CeaseOfSalvation: niether shold i be what?
CeaseOfSalvation: your friend?
sparklemepretty9: well jodee doesnt think your one of hers either... so my job here is done
CeaseOfSalvation: no offense i wouldnt look to you as a friend
sparklemepretty9: cya sweeti
CeaseOfSalvation: lol stupidity is best left senseless

Close screen-

sparklemepretty9: i agree she can be at times
CeaseOfSalvation: i was speaking of you
sparklemepretty9: of me?
sparklemepretty9: why must you speak of me
CeaseOfSalvation: aye
CeaseOfSalvation: because you are a child
sparklemepretty9: but im much older than u
CeaseOfSalvation: wow 3 years in the skin more then me, believe me, age isnt of question
sparklemepretty9: im definately better lookin than anyone i know of your age
CeaseOfSalvation: i am not talking about what you look like
sparklemepretty9: you said skin
CeaseOfSalvation: because when it comes down to it, your body will die before it gets a chance to shine
CeaseOfSalvation: yes skin as in skin deep
CeaseOfSalvation: it doesnt matter
CeaseOfSalvation: as i said, only a child
sparklemepretty9: yeah you are
CeaseOfSalvation: lol that was mature
CeaseOfSalvation: good job
sparklemepretty9: im lookin to impress you watch out
CeaseOfSalvation: excuse me?
CeaseOfSalvation: you're looking to impress me?
sparklemepretty9: your excused, and yes
sparklemepretty9: watch out
CeaseOfSalvation: how do you think someone such as you will do that?
sparklemepretty9: sense the saracasm
sparklemepretty9: *sarcasm^
CeaseOfSalvation: well just ye know, being the fact that we are talking trough a voiceless machine

shes a bitch and is soooooooooooo ignorant!

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